Grief and the Holidays
As we approach the Christmas Season, we are reminded that this is a time for families to come together and celebrate. The holiday spirit of Christmas is all around us. We see the decorations of the bright and colorful lights displayed that twinkle all around us. Our neighbors cheerfully exhibit their beautiful Christmas trees demonstrating their artistic talents. Shoppers are eagerly seeking out the perfect gift for their loved ones. Christmas events are in full swing. And how can we forget those darn Christmas songs – they are everywhere – on every station and in every store. No matter where we go – the grocery store, the department store, our job, driving home in our neighborhood, we are reminded that this time of the year is for families to come together and celebrate – and plans to gather are in the making.
Although the Christmas season ushers in the joy of the season, not everyone welcomes this time of year. The Christmas season is difficult. It is hard. It is unwelcomed – for the wife who lost her husband, for the son who lost his mother, for the friend who lost his friend, for the husband who lost his wife, for the daughter who lost her mother. The Christmas season can be a painful time. The very thought of celebrating Christmas can really be daunting. It brings about an ache that can’t be explained, to include very unpredictable feelings that can’t be controlled.
So, for those of you who are grieving the loss of your loved one, my encouragement for you is to remember – that you know what is best for you during this season. Please make time for how your needs during this Christmas season will be met.
If I may – below are some options to consider.
Listen – what is your body telling you? Grief can be tiring. Do you need a nap? Take one! Do you need to cancel an invitation you accepted? Cancel it. Give yourself the option to change your mind.
Plan ahead – things are going to be different. This Christmas season will not be the same as the Christmas prior to your loved ones passing. Plan for how you will manage the change.
Practice Mindfulness – Be mindful of how one minute you might feel like you are coping well, then suddenly, a Tsunami of emotions rushes in and overtakes you. You are not crazy! You are human, and this is grief.
Keep it simple – Don’t place unrealistic expectations on yourself and don’t let others place those expectations on you that you should be doing more. Remember, simple is better.
Accept support – Sometimes we need to have positive support in our lives during this time, be open to allow others to walk with you in your grief journey.
Establish new traditions – this does not mean you forget the traditions you had with your loved one, this means that you establish new traditions, finding ways to keep your loved one involved in family holiday traditions.
Grief – is your personal journey. It is natural to feel the absence of your loved one during the Christmas season, especially when you are reminded that this is a time for families to gather. Please, do what you need to do to care for yourself during this time – and be kind to yourself.