Domestic Violence
You meet someone you are attracted to, and you start to engage in conversation with them. Those long hours of talking on the phone provides a sense of who this person is – he/she exhibits qualities that are important to you. They are kind, considerate, loving, and they shower you with compliments and gifts. When you are away from each other, you think of them often and begin to dream of what a life with them would look like. All of this is based on how he/she makes you feel. This feeling is validated daily by the promises made to you – that you are the most important person in their lives. You believe everything they say – you have no reason to question the validity of their love for you, and you commit to spending your life with them.
Soon after your commitment, you start to notice things about them that you hadn’t noticed before. They are not as considerate of your feelings and seem to be irritated with everything in life, including you.
Nothing you do seems to be good enough and you sense the changes in the atmosphere. Their tone of voice escalates. There is no more time to spend talking to one another – now you are being told what to do, how to do it – and your criticized for doing it wrong. Your feelings are hurt, and you are confused by what you are experiencing. You begin to ask yourself questions – “did I do something wrong?” You seek for answers to solve the problem and say to yourself, “what can I do to make him/her feel better.” To no avail, nothing you do, or say makes a difference. As a matter of fact, anytime you make attempts to calm things down –things escalate. Tensions are high – and the nitpicking turns into arguments, name calling, and seeing him/her break things within the home. You walk on eggshells. You are unsure of what is going to happen. You are fearful of the outburst as you are expecting them to happen anytime and now you are fearful for your life.
When you made attempts to talk to him/her about what you are experiencing and say you can’t take it anymore, and voice you are leaving – you are threatened. You are being accused of having an affair and when things escalate and get out of hand, he/she pushes you, calls you names, and starts to physically hit you. You feel defeated. You are fearful for your life, and you don’t see any way out of the situation.
Later, he/she apologizes for their behavior, while also blaming you – “you made me do it.” They promise too never do it again. They beg you to stay – “please don’t leave me, I promise, I will never do it again,” they say. They promise to get help. They promise to always love you and bear gifts to show their sincerity. You believe them, things are good for a while and then – tension builds, things escalate, he/she explodes and later they attempt to make amends – the cycle of violence – starts all over again.
Domestic Violence – is a serious problem. According to the National Statistics, on average, nearly 20 people per minute are physically abused by an intimate partner in the United States. 1 in 4 women and 1 in 7 men have been victims of severe physical violence (e.g., beating, burning, strangling) by an intimate partner in their lifetime.
Since 1989 – October has been designated as Domestic Violence Awareness month. The purpose of DVAM is to provide education to the public of the seriousness of domestic violence, advocate for change, and support survivors of domestic violence.
Many survivors, supporters, and volunteers working with survivors wear purple or a purple ribbon to show their support – you are encouraged to do so as well.
If you need help or know someone that does… Please contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline, call 1-800-799-7233 (TTY 1-800-787-3224), or text “START” to 88788.